The Personal Boundaries Questionnaire

Instructions: Read each statement and choose the response that best describes how you typically think, feel, or act in most of your relationships (friends, family, romantic partners, and co-workers).

• A = Rarely or Never

• B = Sometimes

• C = Frequently or Always

  
  

Section 1: Sharing and Relationships

1. I find it difficult to say "no" when people ask me for favors, even when I don’t have the time or energy.

2. I keep my personal life, feelings, and past experiences strictly to myself, even with people I’ve known for a long time.

3. I am comfortable sharing personal information, but only after I’ve built trust with someone over time.

4. I get deeply invested in other people’s problems and feel responsible for fixing them or saving them.

5. I avoid getting close to people because I worry they will disappoint, hurt, or control me.

Section 2: Communication and Conflict

1. When someone upsets me, I clearly and calmly tell them what I need without getting defensive or aggressive.

2. I tend to agree with other people's opinions just to keep the peace or make them like me.

3. If someone crosses a line with me, I cut them off completely without trying to talk it through.

4. I speak up when my time or labor is being taken for granted, whether at home or at work.

5. I expect other people to know what I want or need without me having to say it out loud.

Section 3: Self-Protection and Energy

1. I feel guilty or anxious when I take time for myself instead of helping others.

2. I have strict rules for how others must treat me, and I rarely give people second chances.

3. I can listen to someone else's distress without letting their bad mood ruin my entire day.

4. I find myself adopting the emotions, habits, or personalities of whoever I am spending time with.

5. I am comfortable turning down invitations or opportunities if they conflict with my well-being.

Scoring Guide

To find your style, look at which specific letters you selected for the corresponding questions below.

1. The Porous Style

Count your "Frequently or Always" (C) answers for questions: 1, 4, 7, 11, 14

What this means: You tend to let other people's needs, emotions, and demands override your own. You might struggle with people-pleasing, oversharing too quickly, or feeling responsible for others' happiness. While you are deeply empathetic, a porous style can leave you feeling drained, resentful, or lost in your relationships.

2. The Rigid Style

Count your "Frequently or Always" (C) answers for questions: 2, 5, 8, 12, 10

What this means: You tend to keep people at a distance to protect yourself from vulnerability or conflict. You might rarely share your true feelings, avoid close relationships, or cut people off abruptly. While this keeps you safe from immediate hurt, a rigid style can lead to isolation, loneliness, and difficulty building deep, meaningful connections.

3. The Healthy / Flexible Style

Count your "Frequently or Always" (C) answers for questions: 3, 6, 9, 13, 15

What this means: You have a strong sense of your own identity and values. You can say "no" without guilt, communicate your needs clearly, and respect others' boundaries while maintaining your own. You know how to let the right people in while keeping harmful behavior out.

Reflection Questions for Patients

The Mix: Most people have a blend of styles depending on the setting (e.g., rigid at work, but porous with family). In which areas of your life do you notice your boundaries changing the most?

The Goal: If you identified areas that are highly porous or highly rigid, what is one small, manageable step you can take this week to move toward a healthier, more flexible boundary?